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About Me Member La JeannaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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Statistics 115 Deviations 378 Comments 9,726 Pageviews

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  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Sanctuary- Deliverance
  • Reading: First Test- Tamora Pierce
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Jungle Trolls/ LoL
  • Eating: cookie
  • Drinking: Water
Ugh. I don't know why I even did this.

I'll be expecting the hate notes when I get home.

Well bring them.

I'm used to such things.  And can often handle the hate notes calmly enough;

---------------------------The below is basically a rant and an outlet.----------------------------------

If you take it to heart? Not my problem.  I'm in that mood where burning a bridge is a better idea than saving it, because it can be rebuilt elsewhere.





Before reading, Be warned, reader.

I am feeling quite hateful today.

And I am so tired of people ripping on me for being sucky at managing my time and getting shit together;


I'm not one of those, "WHYYYY DON'T I HAVE ANY FRIEEEENDS?!" People.

I -know- why I lack friends.


And frankly, with how most of my 'friends' have turned out, I don't see why I'd want any.


I fucking SUCK at this "real person" shit.
Know what I do almost every time I'm invited somewhere with 'friends'?

I get stuck walking alone,  not from lack of trying, but because I give up trying to talk to anyone.

I get it.

I'm a god damned monster.  I've known this for years.  But it isn't necessary to remind me how awful I am.

If I'm  not wanted around?

I'll leave. I'm not about to throw a fit and fight for a prolonged tolerance of my crappy behavior when it comes to getting things together.

--------------------------------------

When did things become so complicated.

Were I used to having people wanting me around, likely I'd be better at managing my life to bring such occurrences around.

It would also be easier were I living alone and not with a mother who grates my very nerves against steel spikes every chance she has.

I cannot recall the last time she even gave me permission to allow one over.


Not to mention our own problems merely getting gas in the car to go places;  I'm lucky I even get to go to Assimilation the times I do.

I am not into begging, so I am not going to ask for rides from people, only to feel silly for doing so.


My room is an utter chaotic mess.

All I have in here is my computer, a small window-shelf, my 90's television, and a bed.  My two closets are filled with boxes and clothes, so I don't exactly have a place to put everything so my floor is littered.


My sewing station? Crammed into a corner in the living room I can barely fit in with how much room I need to work.


The place is awash in the scent of ash and old cigarettes, from my mother's amazingly horrible smoking habit.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hold people in disdain.


They sicken me.


I am often amazed at  how many faces in the crowd look exactly the same with no idea what all goes on.

I hate nearly everyone I meet, merely for reasons to keep them away.

I get talked down to a lot due to my anxiety and over all inability to get my shit together to see someone.

Ex: Friend Deathy finally broke down and ripped my head off.

I can accept her dislike and anger.  I don't think it's undeserved.

But I will not be called a liar, a whore, or any of that other hateful nonsense.


Yeah.
I fucking SUCK at getting my shit together, and making things happen.
  The only thing is.
Now? For me?

Something happened this week that moved everything for the better.

I was in a good mood, ready to make shit happen, once I got this certain thing settled, it seemed to fall into place.


Now I question why I even bothered.

I don't have everything needed for something grand.

I work with what I have.

I literally have not even a dollar to my name.

Yes. It takes me a long time. I'm often finishing things at the last minute.

I often finish my renaissance dress in the night before the Ren. Faire, and sleep just two hours before getting up to go.

And even then?

I had to work on my ex-mate's costume as well. Alone.  No help.  Cut the leather, boil it, shape it, print it. Stitch it.  Make a pair of pants for someone who won't stand still in two hours with no idea what I'm doing.



Ugh. I'm all aggravated now.  I want to just tell my father, "Fuck it. I can't go with you, Dad, Because I've pissed someone -else- off."


Know what?

Screw it.  If anyone wants to contact me, I'll be spending -my- Halloween Struggling over what the hell I can make with my lack of funds and limited fabrics.  I won't even likely be going anywhere.  I'll do it because I can.



"I'm not Violent.  I'm just repressing every desire that comes unnaturally to me to smash your face into the wall to make modern art."

deviantID

~Kitiy
La Jeanna
United States
3rd Blood.

Nice to meet you.

Aspiring designer, and artist, at least at heart.

I enjoy various musics, though mostly I listen to metal, or Alternative Rock...

And the occasional Techno mix.

But for the most part.

I'm someone that apparently needs therapy. .-x

Current Residence: Bleh
Favourite genre of music: Shtuff
Favourite photographer: SpiritStarlight
Favourite cartoon character: Lina Inverse XD
Personal Quote: "FLIGGLE THINE WIGGLE!" -Moi
Interests

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[x]

Comments


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:icondeath-ark:
La Jeanna, Mark here, before I head in for the night, I just wanted to give you a link to a song on youtube by a band called Dawn of Ashes. They once were a dark techno group, but have recently switched to black metal. The song I'm giving you the link to is called Carnal Consummation in the Empty Space. [link] Just thought this would be up your alley because I heard what music you like. Trust me, they are demonically evil. XD
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:icondeath-ark:
La Jeanna, uh have a question for you, would you be okay if I gave a friend of mine a link to your profile? She did like how you look in my drawing and is interested in seeing your art. Take your time, you don't have to answer right away.
Reply
:iconkitiy:
Go ahead O.o I don't mind much.

--
"..why in this casing am I caught forever in a wheel of thought?"
Reply
:icondeath-ark:
Finally done drawing you La Jeanna, sorry if I couldn't be more detailed with your ear-rings, but I couldn't neatly fit them in due to more than one person being drawn. [link] I could draw you in an individual picture if you like me to.
Reply
:icondeath-ark:
La Jeanna, Mark here, I'm doing a series of pictures showing my deviantart friends and I would love to draw you. With your permission, can I draw you? I promise to hear every detail to how you would want to look in the picture. XD
Reply
:iconkitiy:
You may ^.^ Just have fun with it. And let me know what you'd like to draw of me.

As to posing and such, again, have fun with it. If you need info on detail, I can provide such ^.^

--
"..why in this casing am I caught forever in a wheel of thought?"
Reply
:icondeath-ark:
Thanks, do you have a preference on what you would want to wear in the picture? For starters, I'm thinking of having you wear some wedge heeled ankle high goth boots in the picture. Just saying.
Reply
:iconkitiy:
as I said. Have fun with it. I only request my forelocks be blue, as that is my favorite way to have my hair :3 And in case of detail, I have three regular piercings in each ear. Usually wear a studded black collar with an O-shaped ring hanging in the front. Other than that. Have at it! :D Good luck

--
"..why in this casing am I caught forever in a wheel of thought?"
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondubugomdori:
I will send one of the BROTHERS to take you UNDER PROTECTION till the end of the year. Where ever you go, he goes. No matter where. I'm not sure if that's good or bad but, thanks for the fave!! [link]

--
"Do not go where the path might lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail " -Ralph Aldo Emerson
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